how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
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