I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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