I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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