So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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