I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
