Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
