Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
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