I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Randomize
