Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
