i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
