Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
