I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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