Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
