I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
are you so shy because you have an std?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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