I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
