'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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