Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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