Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Randomize
