YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Apple has a Lot to Explain to iPhone X Customers
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
People Asked The Internet Questions About their Private Parts And The Results Are Hilarious
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long