He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car