I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
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remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
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we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape