is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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