my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Randomize
