then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
