Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
is wine microwaveable?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Less talking, more tequila
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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