whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
