i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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