Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Randomize
