Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
