Michael Bay diarrhea
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
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