would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
