i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
