I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
