Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
