just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
