I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
