Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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