I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize