After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Randomize
