I'm really into asian looking animals
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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