I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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