she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
