OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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