This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
how does that bad decision feel?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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