Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
