Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
