he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
