hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
