I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
They left me at home... I'm a liability
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
