you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Boobs speak an international language.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
