I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.