I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck