Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
20 People Who Caught Their Significant Others Cheating and Hand Over Some Major Karma
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
33 Memes You’ll Find Uncomfortably Relatable If You’ve Ever Been Through A Messy Breakup
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement