and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
21 Ladies Reveal The Sexiest Thing A Man Can Do In A Public Setting
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.