so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't