He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
