With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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