That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
