If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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