my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
