I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
