I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Sex in the backyard? Check.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
