Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
