my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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