I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
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