he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
