i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
