the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Randomize
