No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
