4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Randomize
