Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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