I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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