Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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