someone owes me an orgasm
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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