Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
i love accidental penises.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
