i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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