walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
