I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
